Does Everybody Really Love Raymond?

For the last two weeks, I have been using much of my free time to re-watch Everybody Loves Raymond on Netflix. It has been a very revealing experience for me because I pick up on different aspects of Raymond Barone’s character that are just so male-typical. As a child, I would watch this show with my family, and I would laugh at the jokes and at some of the things that the members of the Barone family said and did. Now, I have begun to realize that this show highlights the difficulties of close-knit families, the chauvinistic ideals of married men or men in general, and I discovered how much Everybody Loves Raymond tends to annoy me.

During some flashbacks, you see how exciting the prospect of having Ray’s family so close seemed at the beginning of their marriage. After a few years, it no longer seems ideal because that’s when the lines are crossed and boundaries are invisible. Marie Barone (the mother) constantly barges into Ray and Debra’s home and instructs her on how to handle the kids, clean the house, cook her food, do the laundry, etc. Marie believes she is giving constructive criticisms, but often she just offers criticisms. It goes along with that old saying “Mother knows best”. Sometimes while I am watching it, I wish that Ray would stand up to his mother and tell her off, tell her she is being intrusive; but, he never would because he is the eternal Mama’s Boy. He lived at home until he was 30 years old and getting ready to marry Debra. That should have been a clue for her right there.

*Note: Do not marry a man who is still living with his mommy and daddy at 30 years old. It does not end well.

As a child, I thought it was funny how close he was to his mother and how she honestly believed that he could do no wrong, but now I see how she neglects Robert and just refuses to see that Raymond is actually not the best of the two. 

Something that really gets to me about the show, now that I know better, is the obvious fact that the men in the Barone family view women as their slaves. Women are meant to do two things: cook and clean, and maybe a bit of the unspoken third "obligation". It is disgusting to me now, but as a child, my siblings and I would run around the house repeating some of the demanding, scripted lines of Frank and Raymond. 

"That's what a woman should smell like: lemon pledge and meat sauce" provides the idea to society that women only have two places in this world, but the show offers two women, who are wives in two very different times, but come together and learn from one another. Debra sees that Ray is just taking advantage of her as the new nurturer in his world. His mom is no longer living with him, but she did everything from cook him breakfast to dress him for his wedding day, and he wants that again. Luckily, Debra is a smart, feminist and she sees right through his "I need my mommy" facade. Marie is the matriarch of the family and she lived through a time where women were just housewives who were expected to cook, clean, and care for the children. She is happy to continue doing so, even though Raymond is now a father to his own children. She is happy to baby him and he readily accepts what he was so used to. 

It begs me to ask myself the question: Do I really love this show? Yes, it is comedic at times, but if you really take it apart and look deeper into it, then you realize just how messed up some of the characters truly are. The invasion of privacy, the critical in-laws, the mixed-up family values...

I just pray that one day this does not become my family.

It seems to me that as I mature and age that I will open my eyes a little bit wider to the world.