It’s only Wednesday night and I feel very stressed already.
Last night was my weekly RA staff meeting and my boss, Justin, handed out our
Intent to Return forms and projects. I am so scared to complete this. I know
that I am a great RA, but now I am being asked to recap my year, my strengths,
and weaknesses and essentially tell my bosses why I should be rehired. The
project itself is not the scary part, but the idea of giving an oral
presentation makes me sick to my stomach. Just thinking about it makes me want to
heave. It’s like all the blood rushes out of my body and I go cold. I want to
pack my bags and head for someplace far away from this presentation. Yes,
because that is the easier solution than facing my fears and just doing it.
On the plus side, I will only have to go through this once
because after next year, I will be graduating from Albertus. I will start
working on it this weekend so I can be well rehearsed when the week of March 17th
comes. For now, I will just focus on spring break and the relief I will feel as
I enter my relaxing/working vacation.
Lately, I find myself venturing back into the old Gilmore Girls routine from years ago.
When I feel down, I turn on an episode and everything feels okay again. There
is so much drama with friends that I feel like the Gilmore Girls are a couple
of good friends that will never cause drama that I want to escape. They are
purely the entertainment.
Sometimes I find that that show glorifies and simplifies
family problems that are not that simple: teen pregnancy, run-aways, and ugly
parent/child relationships. I love the show so much that sometimes I forget how
best-case-scenario it can be. A 16 year old girl, from a wealthy family, gets
pregnant, runs away, builds her life from the ground up (with an infant by her
side), starts her own business and her child actually gets to go to an amazing
high school on to a prominent Ivy League college? These are the things that
novels are made of, but often I forget that is fiction and I catch myself
saying, “I want to be just like Rory!”
No, I don’t. Rory, a perfect, fictional character, is
someone I truly wish to emulate in her reading and musical tastes; but I could
never trade the family I have for the one she lacks.
Even though my family fights (whose family does not) I would
not trade them for anyone else’s family. That’s why I am so excited for this
break. I miss my family. We tease each other until there is nothing left to
tease and someone wants the other person to disappear
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